They will miss this guy. A year ago this would have been nuts.

A Half-Dozen Hyper-Specific Predictions About…Tennessee

So yeah, this has kind of been a bad eventful offseason for Volunteer Nation. I won’t make mention of Kiffykins beyond that. But with the armed robbery, the bar brawl, and the fact that Marlon Walls and Ben Martin both blew out their achilles. As such? Expectations are low in year one of the Derek Dooley era.

Last Year: 7-6 (4-4) t2nd SEC East

1) Tauren Poole will rush for 1209 yards. In and of itself it doesn’t sound impressive. But that total will would have been good for 5th in the SEC last season. And that will be with SEC speed keying on him. So you give him his just reward.

2) Matt Simms will not last the season as the starter. Sure, he won’t be full Jonathan Crompton circa 2008. But the fact of the matter is that he’s gonna get bounced around as if he challenged three bouncers to a drunken street fight. At best he can’t stay healthy, at worst Steve Kragthorpe was smart in letting him go.

3) Janzen Jackson is going to get 100 tackles. It’s the tatamount stat for a flawed team. The safety get 100 tackles. And the Volunteers are flawed.

4) In terms of team passing stats? The Volunteers will throw for 2500 yards again. There will be 20 interceptions to go with it, but Simms and Tyler Bray won’t be completely useless…

5) Though the fans will turn on Tyler Bray for losing the Kentucky game. You’re not supposed to lose the Kentucky game. But Bray will. It will be ugly enough to get blogged on.

6) All in all? They beat UT-Martin, UAB, Memphis, and Vanderbilt. Kentucky won’t be a good loss for morale, but the team gets four wins. A two and ten season would have been a fireable offense for Dooley. Not happening this time.

This Year: 4-8 (1-7) 5th SEC East

Bryce Brown leaves Tennessee.

Like John Mayer to a random celebrity? Bryce Brown has decided to officially leave the Tennessee by the the most douchetastic method known to man. As via a text message, he has officially left Knoxville. I’m sure that most of Rocky Top Nation says good riddance.

But the fact of the matter is that this probably is one of the most hyped disappointments in SEC history, and the fact that his stealing away in the night after being one of the most hyped recruits in the previous decade. After all, he was nearly ineligible from the way he was feted before he was signed by Kiffykins. And after a year? His run dies with not a scream, but a whisper.

But like most of college football, life goes on. Tennessee may not be a team without weaknesses, but they’re most definitely in fine shape at running back. Many people had Taurean Poole as the emerging next big thing in terms of SEC Running, and David Oku has been lost in the shuffle of all this tomfoolery. And he was a Top 100 prospect in 2009.

They won’t miss you, Bryce Brown.

Terrence Splash!

Tennessee signs Punter.

Special teams are easily mocked. After all, if they were a seemingly legitimate part of football, why would you call them special? But there is a good benefit to winning the field position battle. And when you have a quarterback that makes Chris Simms look like Phil as your starting quarterback? Maybe managing have yourself a merry little punter is a good thing.

And that’s the big news out of Knoxville. Matt Darr, who I can only assume is the cousin of former Padre prospect Mike Darr, has been signed by the Volunteers. Darr is the #1 punter according to Scout.com and joins Michael Parlardy as the #1 kicker according to the same website. It may not be the most exciting news for the average SEC fan, to be sure. And only the most whimsical of rogues would deem this comedic.

But ask the average fan of Rocky Top if special teams is important? See the above picture. You’ll be reminded why special teams are special. And not in the mockery way.

Rating the Indoor Practice Facilities of the SEC.

I know what you’re thinking. LOL what? Is this even a post. And I say unto you, mister and missus hypothetical reader. I like to challenge myself. Sometimes, I want to see if I cannot make something interesting. And when Auburn tripled the size of their indoor practice facility? I have an excuse!

In one of the strangest one of these things is not like the other sort of scenarios? Two out of the twelve? Don’t have indoor practice facilities. One of them is Vanderbilt. Guess the other one. Come on.

I’ll even add to it that it’s nobody in the SEC West. When Auburn’s expansion is complete? There will be nobody who has to work a short field either. You might guess Kentucky. But you’d be wrong.

South Carolina and Tennessee are both working off of short fields. But they’ve got something to work with.

So at this point? The fact that Georgia and Florida don’t have an indoor facility is strange. These are the Eastern powers of the SEC, after all. They should be top of the line in everything they do. But one of them has plans for a new indoor facility.

And guess what? It’s not Florida.

Let me say that again. The team of the previous decade has found their way into the best high school recruits of this generation. And their facilities are lacking. There is an obvious lesson to it.

But I’ll leave that to you to figure out.

The “Little Ten” of the SEC

The narrative coming out of the SEC, besides Alabama’s general ailments of the bye week disadvantages, is that we are in the midst of a duopoly. There’s Florida, there’s Alabama, and then there’s the other ten teams. I come to you with one question. Can anybody charge in and steal a spot?

10. Vanderbilt (Nope. A running game and a decent defense means you have a punchers chance against the majority of the league, but that got Mississippi State five wins last year. That’s seven wins too little.)
9. Mississippi State (2%. Mullen may be building off of last season, but the team still needs more at WR than Chad Bumphis and an Anthony Dixon replacement. They won’t steal anything more than the Liberty Bowl this year.)
8. Tennessee (5 percent. They won’t m9iss Bryce Brown, and you may not be able to throw too well on them. But these are underdogs who made their bed and has to lie in it.)
7. Ole Miss (5 percent. They have a solid run defense. But their team is too young. Nathan Stanley doesn’t have a great offensive line to protect him either. And Raymond Cotton? He has the shoulder of the Tubervillian Chris Todd. They’ll be interesting again. But not this year.)
6. South Carolina (10 percent. In terms of talent? They may surprise. Ellis Johnson has a defense that reloads every season. And the offense is intriguing in terms of Jarvis Giles and Marcus Lattimore carrying the rock, and the catching the ball? Alshon Jeffrey isn’t gonna be pumping gas anytime soon. The problem? Stephen Garcia’s general incosistency plus program inertia equals Pizza bowl.)
5. Kentucky (They have a 1 in ten shot of beating Florida. And if they do that? Their number rises exponentially. But at this point? Hartline-Cobb-Matthews-Locke are a lot more interesting to me than they are to you. As such? This is the one that could rise in unlikelyhood.)
4. Arkansas (20 percent. Alex Tejada plus a road game at Auburn could pose a problem. The Defensive Front Seven could pose a problem. Ryan Mallett’s inconsistency? Also problematic. But you answer one of the questions? And they’re a dangerous middle of the road SEC West Team.)
3. Georgia (25 percent. Freshmen don’t win the SEC. In that respect? Aaron Murray’s weight is better than the other 10 returning starters. A defensive switch in scheme doesn’t help either. And even a Freshman Matt Stafford couldn’t beat Kentucky in Lexington in the pre-Raylan Givens era.) 
2. LSU (25 percent. I don’t trust Jordan Jefferson, and the line lost its players of value as well. But they have a lockdown pass defense and considering the state of the SEC West? That’s worth a lot to the party right there.)
1. Auburn (50 percent. Here is your last, best hope for an insurgency. And as such? It’s 50-50. Either they beat The Crimson Tide or they don’t.)

 I will make a more formal predsiction this Summer. And I will further the individual season previews in the weeks upcoming. So yeah. It’s coming kids.

FUHBAW!

500 days of Kiffin, Movie Trailer. Fox Searchlight Entertainment really has their index finger on the pulse of college football fans of Tennessee. Good luck with a coach that has proven absolutely nothing, USC. What will happen when his Daddy retires?

Bad news for Kiffin haters: USC is the cushiest job in all of NCAA football, next to Notre Dame. They get crazy amount of talent and media coverage, and their conference sucks at every aspect of the game of football. He will most likely do a serviceable job at USC. He will most likely play in a few Rose Bowls. The only good news is that he will never go undefeated, and never play for a National Championship. If Pete could not do it his last few years, I doubt Lane will sniff an undefeated season.

Are You Annoyed Easily? Take The Vols Pre Presser Challenge!

Before Lane Kiffin quit, there was some exciting drama in the news room. To test how easily you are annoyed just press play on the video below and see how much you can stand. If you make it all the way to the end without punching a hole in the nearest wall, then you can go to Knoxville and pick up your press pass.

Hat Tip FOTP

Kiffin to go to USC.

Are you surprised? I’m not. What in the world has told you that Lane Kiffin is anything but a man of low moral fiber. The multiple offseason controversies of last season? The fact that two of his hottest recruits rolled up on random people at a gas station for pocket change? Starting Jonathan Crompton?

That was cheap. I’m sorry.

Basically, what I’m saying is, the average football coach is nothing more than a politician. They want to keep the power of their fiefdom. And they will say and do anything to keep it. Until something better comes along.

And for Kiffykins? It was ol’ SC.

I know you’re angry. You have an absolute right to be. You lost a coach who’s actively trying to steal as many recruits as he can as he goes out the door. I don’t think you need to be burning cars? But we all feel sadness in different ways.

But you know what? There’s a way to solve the problem. You get a controversial coach. A coach who actually is a proven winner at a difficult place to play. A coach who has his own built in fanbase.

Who dare I suggest?

Kidding again! h/t: EDSBS

The dread pirate Leach will [lock in a closet joke] with an assault on their broadside.